Musing

I don't know if the universe is trying to tell me something, or trying to prepare me in some way, but in the last week I have run into many people from my past. It's not as if I was trying to escape the past, I chose to leave those people behind for various reasons. Some of those people were from school, some were fair-weather friends, some work colleagues...it doesn't matter. I didn't want them to be in my life anymore. I don't think life is trying to make me confront them or something about them or maybe reconcile myself with them, but I think it's trying to tell me something. That much I am sure of! 


Interestingly enough, in all but one encounter there was no approaching nor recognition They all stayed away. It seems as though I have a reputation for cutting people out of my life and them staying cut off. I can't say whether that is true or not, all I know is that I don't have any contact with those people anymore for a reason. It's not as if I sat them down and told them off, I just let myself disappear from their lives. Each situation is different, of course. I feel however, that I have to hold on to my principles so I don't end up getting hurt or compromising who I am.

A small pleasure

A few weeks ago near the end of July, I had a great interaction over text-message with a complete stranger. It's little moments like these that really make my day and give back a modicum of my faith in humankind.


The conversation goes as follows:
-"I don't know if you'll get this but would like to give you a chance to see sarah before she goes. My place sun /731-2pm or come for informal lunch on mon 8/1?"
-"Is this megan?"
-"Sorry. It's savannah. Is this heather?"
-"No sorry you have the wrong number. I am a dude."
-"Sorry. Have a good weekend!"
-"No worries! You too!"
-"Thanks :)"

Porklandia Fuck-off Day

I am just scared that this is life now. That it is always going to be this way.
I hate my job, let's be honest. It's not the actual work persay I'm not as arrogant as to complain about that. It's my coworkers sometimes, bureaucracy most of the time, but mostly this unshakeable idea that this is gonna be as good as it gets. Working some brainless front desk gig with no benefits and I sure as hell won't see any Medicare or Social Security...if I even live that long. It's hard to be positive in these times. I have damn Bachelors Degree! That was supposed to mean something!

I want to get out of this country. This morning, on my way to work, a guy ran right into be because he was trying to get on the train in time. He shoved me. Fucking shoved me. Not even out of the way, just directly in the chest. Not even an "excuse me".Today is definitely an I-Hate-Portland day. We live in a country (and me in a city) that overworks us to death so that we shove people out of the way in an effort to succeed at arriving. Arriving to what? Another crappy low-paid job with no benefits. We've been brainwashed to think we've got it good as our government continues to take away our money, our rights, our lives.

What will be left?