Unos días atrás...

No sé que hacer, cuando peleas conmigo así. No sé que decirte cuando pareces hipócrita. ¿Qué va? ¿Todo es mi culpa entonces? No es justo. No lo entiendo. Mejor que decir que, a veces, no te entiendo. Sigo amándote, sí. 


A court hearing

"I just had a court hearing today...for a DUI." "They dismissed it." He said, with a sheepish but happy smile.

I gritted my teeth and murmured, "Well, that's good." 
I wanted to say that they should have cut his hands off instead.


Another Portlandia Episode (Or, a Review Of Buffalo Exchange)

I gotta get this shit off my chest y'all...

I have lived in Portland for most of my adult life and used to enjoy hanging about downtown before it became clean and Powells decided not to provide internet service. One of my fav haunts was Buffalo Exchange, which has a plethora of used "hip" clothes.Yesterday I returned after a hiatus of a downtown-avoiding habit to browse around and look for some new head-wraps (also minding my own damn business, thank-you-very-much. The guy at the door (who I recognize as a Japanese-girl groupie from PSU) greets me and the person who walks in with me. About 5 minutes later as I'm looking at this awesome vintage shoulder bag (You know, schoolbook-style with brass clasps etc) this guy comes up to me and snottily states "I need to check your drink in, we have a no drink policy on the floor."

Please. Now I have been going here for over 7 years and no one has ever told me that bullshit before. Furthermore after I ask him to repeat himself and some random White girl (who doesn't work there wtf? Mind your OWN damn business) of to the side says, "Drink. Your drink."  So I just reply that no, I'm fine and that I'll just leave. Stupid bitches. Now I do not consider myself a connoisseur of fashion, but this kid cannot dress. On top of that he was rude, and probably lying. And I have other informed opinions about him as well. Apparently he is also a cocaine addict. I don't want to know how he got the job. I've heard many rumours about the employees at that particular location so just decide for yourself. You'll know him when you see him. Go check it out.

I have no idea why this happened. I could postulate, but why fucking bother.


The News is Bad For Your Health

Damn it. My blood pressure is rising! I know that it is probably in the interest of my mental health and well-being to stop reading the news in the morning when I am opening at work, but I can't seem to help it. It's a little ritual I afford myself to be in the know since I don't have cable or Internet at home. I try to read a variety of sources, both local, national, international and non-English. The local ones get to me the most because I tend to read the comment sections. I really, really need to stop doing that!

Anyway, one of the big stories of this week is the proposed ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) facility to be opened in downtown Portland, near the university and OHSU. First off, let me just say, if you are a POC like me, don't read the damn comment sections about this news article. The point is though, the news is bad for your health. Everyone has an opinion about news articles, and many of them are nasty when it comes to immigration. Racists. Yeah, that's the word of the day...and don't try to call it something else.

I am definitely not for this facility to be opened up, because I am pro-immigrant and pro-America (the ICE is contrary to American beliefs and ideals!) but also because it will change the face of Portland. What happened to the Portland I moved to years ago? Yeah, there's a lot of racial problems here, little racial diversity...but for the most part we all got along. I feel that the opening of an ICE facility will further damage this city. We're supposed to be "progressive" here, so why are all these local anti-immigrant (racists) folks on the net applauding the idea of an ICE facility in Portland to round up "illegals"?

Where is my blood pressure medication!?


Is Your Speech Really Free?

It disturbs me deeply that I live in a country where hate speech (racist, homophobic, sexist etc.) is protected under a "Constitution" as "free speech" and yet decrying a corrupt politician or inhumane corporations is considered, legally, a criminal action.


Slam this (My Bliss)

Who the fuck am I?

I don’t know who I am anymore, this pale ugly stranger
Beady eyes inflamed with a fire nothing can quench
My thirst is eternal like the g-ddamn sun that
Doesn’t boil my fallow skin to beautiful brown like
Days past with seagulls, pelicans and tropical terns flying LOW the planes, the planes are getting closer everyday driving me mad like a horsefly ramming itself against unyielding greasy glass SHATTERING all over the wall after I throw the bottle in a fit of childish yet adult frenzy, FRIENDS where are you other than slipping away and I can’t remember how your voice sounds anymore its been so long yet only as if it were yesterday why haven’t you called I changed my number make a fucking effort because I am worth a damn

I am worth a damn so why do I leave them to rape me everyday?

I am losing my face speaking without accents not speaking in tongues you can understand, you sientes lo que digo? my people where are my people you are NOT my people who the fuck are my people? My people wouldn’t rape me, hate me, snub me, and cut me down to size WHAT the hell is this hi how are you HOW can I transfer your CALL my mother to explain but I can’t speak she don’t get it anymore ANYWAY my throat is caught in they dicks as they…      
Again and again and again.

Again when, when will I be beautiful inside? He reminds me to live instead of die.
I’ve been dying since I turned fifteen, turning green and rotting away from the soul but this boy he gave me my goal to be alive to stay afloat because g-d knows its easier to choke.

So choke on this.            
Choke on my bliss.
I am worth a damn.

How can I help you today?