Racism-induced Exhaustion

I wasn't sure how long the men had been on the train, to be honest. I don't usually pay attention when I am on my way home from work. At some point I had started a short conversation with the two Brazilians nearby mostly because I never get to speak Portuguese in Portland.


Later on I was talking on my phone to a friend, in Spanish, relating to her my day and the neatness of running into Portuguese-speakers on the commute home. As the train pulled into the last stop, my stop, I put my phone away and as I approached the exit heard the loud end of a conversation about how "we should just close the borders and then tell them all to shut up."


My knee-jerk reaction was rage, of course. Those men weren't looking directly at me when they said it...but you know that feeling you get when everyone is talking about you but they're not actually acknowledging your presence nearby? They probably didn't think I even understood English...and I'm not even Mexican. At all. The shocking part was their appearance...they all seemed rather innocuous...for older White men. People are ugly when they think you're not paying attention or that you don't understand what they're saying.


So when my friends or acquaintances (mostly the White ones) whine at me about how they don't understand why these horrible racist things happen to me or around me and that  I "must be hanging out in the wrong areas" or with the "wrong people," I smile now, thinly. I don't have anything to say anymore. I'm too damn tired of experiencing it,  pointing it out, and "discussing" it.

 I just want to know who the hell you're all hanging out with.

Portlandia Yoga Episode

I thought it would be chuckle-worthy to share a little Portlandia moment with all y'all.

As a member of 24 hour fitness, I am apparently able to avail myself of free classes ranging from step aerobics to yoga. So, last Wednesday after a shitty day at work I met my boyfriend downtown and it happened to be yoga class day. I attended the class for only 30 minutes in an attempt to stretch and soothe my back which I have overstrained at work. I left, speaking with a nice elderly woman who left the class at the same time I did.

I proceded to go swimming for a bit, soak in the hot tub and then shower. On my way out I wait in the lobby area texting my boyfriend to let him know I was going home. I see the yoga teacher doing some kind of work-hours related stuff on the computers by the main entrance. One of the class members walks by and thanks her for a great class. I then say "Oh you're the yoga teacher?" "Sorry I couldn't stay for the whole class. It was nice for my back though." She then acidly states that "If you're going to come we ask that you stay for the whole session, are no more than ten minutes late and if you absolutely must leave early you must pose by the door and preform (some Ayurvedic word) before you leave."

I was so shocked at her verbal attack that I actually laughed incredulously during it and at the end of her diatribe in the same breath she smiles and says "I hope you have a wonderful night, okay?" My surprise turned to appall and I snarkily told her in French to go fuck herself as she turned around and walked out. The best part was another employee witnesses the entire thing and doesn't say a word.

It is a free yoga class. Yoga bitches like you are a dime a dozen, sweetie. Especially in Portland. Learn some aplomb! It almost ruined my nice evening at the gym except for my quick retort. Go me!

Anti-Semitism is Live and Well

'Kay, I'm outing myself as Jewish.
Ironically...tonight is Shabbat, our Jewish holy day. I just finished reading an article by  Melvin Martin, a Sioux Native from the Midwest, about anti-Semitism in North Dakota. He talked about a local mom-and-pop type operation that had been selling Nazi-era memorabilia and souvenirs...including ZYKLON B! (In case you didn't know...that is what they gassed Jews with in the chambres)


Martin also spoke to the fact that anti-Semitism is alive and well. This couple had been selling shit for seven years! He also mentioned the rampant White supremacists in the area.


What really struck me is, this man, with virtually no ties to our community (the Jewish one, I mean), wrote an article decrying the hateful people who wish us dead. It's one of those "we're all in this together" kind of deals that really warms my heart.


Most of the time I am afraid people have forgotten WWII and what Hitler's government tried to do to us...especially with all the modern Israel problems (don't get me started on liberal anti-Semitism masquerading as anti-Israeli sentiments).  I think it does a grand disservice to EVERYONE that racism and anti-Semitism is a thing of the past.


I am very thankful that Mr. Martin has noticed that there is plenty anti-Semitic racism still alive and well in this country. Some say even racism at it's most basic is a thing of the past, what with Obama in power and all...that's just not true.


Anyway, thank you Sir. The Jewish community applauds you.

Army of Love

Do you know who Kerli Kõiv is?
You should.

I don't usually write or even think about pop artists very often. Most of what I listen to is rap en español or lo-fi, metal etc. I was drawn to Kerli originally by her aesthetic which she refers to as "Bubblegoth", and due to all the Farscape I had been watching lately I was hooked.


Her music was catchy, had a message for once, and was relatively unknown. What really endeared her to me however, was her personal website (http://iamamoonchild.net). She has a bloggish thing called 3 questions 3 answers and the latest included this from a fan: "Hey kerli my life’s a mess and I feel like I can Get some really good advice from you,so if you can take your time and answer me id appteciate it ^_^ I’m a gay fourteen y/o and I come from a Christian family and I heard that since I’m gay I’m going to hell."


Here is Kerli's response: "No baby. You’re not going to hell. You can love whoever you want. There is nothing wrong with you at all. We’re all going to heaven. This right here kinda is heaven too, if we choose to see it<3"


That really got to me. It was touching. I believe that this is the kind of things that artists should be doing. People look up to them and admire them. The fact that Kerli took the time to respond to this person, a fan, whom she doesn't know, but reached out to her in a time of need, is truly amazing to me. In this day and age, it seems like famous people hardly give a thought to others. Kerli proved me wrong and I have been a fan of her since.


Bravo, Kerli.

Do you have Genovese Syndrome?

I was reading an article on my local paper about a woman who, during an episode related to a medical condition, fell onto the light-rail train tracks right as a train was approaching. According to witnesses and a security tape, it took over 20 seconds for anyone to respond and only one person actually jumped down to help her. Having witnessed many instances of this social disease and having been a victim of it myself, I have finally encountered a name for it: Genovese syndrome or "the bystander effect."


To put it simply, Genovese syndrome is the socio-psychological phenomenon when bystanders offer no help to people in a crisis situation. This is mostly exhibited by ignoring victims and according to the National Crime Victimization Survey, over 68% of violent physical assaults are witnessed by bystanders who take no action.


How hard is it to at least call 911? It was too hard for THIRTY-EIGHT of Kitty Genovese's (for the phenomenon was named) neighbors to call the police or offer assistance to the young woman who was sexually assaulted, stabbed and killed on the street in front of her apartment complex in 1964.


I remember two summers ago, I was taking the streetcar home from work. I was distracted, talking on my cellphone, in Spanish (I only mention this because it is relevant to what happened next), when I bumped into a man as I was trying to press the stop request button. The next thing I know is this man has me by the neck, with my back up to the wall of the vehicle and he is snarling all sorts of racist (anti-Latino) and homophobic remarks at me, lecturing me that I need to learn some "respect". To my horror, no one did anything. People just stared. Not even the streetcar operator had the stones to do anything. I had been assaulted and humiliated in public. I think the worst part of the whole incident was when the police department told me later on that there was nothing they could do.


Now I have a personal vendetta on public indifference. I think it is disgusting that people will not step in for their fellow citizens when something obviously illegal, life-threatening or offensive is occurring. It should be our duty as members of society to help those in immediate need.

On friendship

In high school, my mother always used to tell me that if you could count the amount of good friends you had in your life on one hand, then you were doing just fine. I tried to always take this to heart, especially when I was feeling wronged or hurt by people I perceived to be my friends.

Over time I have learned that people are very insincere, especially here on the West Coast where I have chosen to live. I miss the genuineness of the South. I don’t understand people here; I don’t understand people that don’t follow through.

I haven’t spoken to my ‘best friend’ in over two months. I am okay.  I have Anna, Sam, Azadeh and my wonderful Max. So I’m going to keep smiling, keep it moving…because I don’t need you.

Did you count that mami? Four fingers, four friends. 

Hey you

I thank G-d every day that you are in my life.

Todavía estoy buscando las ciertas palabras pa decírtelo. Pronto un día vendrá y te escribiré un poema contándote todo eso. Ya sé que ningunas de mis palabras son suficientes pero es que...
solo tengo esa boca.