Dear Francis

Today is smells like Japan. I remembered that smell as it struck me all a sudden on my walk to the train station. I wanted to go back to Japan. Maybe it smells like Japan because I was in that place when Grandma Emmy died. I had walked for hours and hours around the old part of Tokyo, pausing at the myriad of Shinto shrines that were sprinkled amongst the tiny streets. I was remembering her, and saying my goodbyes. Maybe today it smells like Japan because you’re dead now too. 

It was so beautiful and yet so sad. It was like a sound of dusk when you look out over the world with the sun disappearing and you feel so alone. I know that you’re not alone.  I have to hope that you’re not alone.

Earlier today I was at my desk just doing some menial paperwork before the office opened when that truth hit me. It was ridiculous. I haven’t cried in ages, and I thought that after that one year there would be no more tears left to cry.  I bawled and wailed a little bit. Embarrassed by my emotions and fearful someone in the office would find me this way. I was choked with emotion and it was frightening. I guess I needed to say goodbye.

So here it is, in my own way.

Good-bye Francis.

May G-d keep you.

No seré yo.

A veces vivo en el precipicio, a punto de morir. Siento que estoy moriéndome, lentamente. Desahogándome. O sea que quiero suicidarme. No es que quiero suicidarme, es que...el sentido es asi. No tengo suficiente palabras para decirte eso. Entonces yo vivo en secreto, trabajando como nada me joda. Mis colegas no saben y tu tampoco. Que voy a hacer? Que seré yo? No seré yo. O quizás voy a ser algo diferente.

Unos días atrás...

No sé que hacer, cuando peleas conmigo así. No sé que decirte cuando pareces hipócrita. ¿Qué va? ¿Todo es mi culpa entonces? No es justo. No lo entiendo. Mejor que decir que, a veces, no te entiendo. Sigo amándote, sí. 

Anti-Semitism is Live and Well

'Kay, I'm outing myself as Jewish.
Ironically...tonight is Shabbat, our Jewish holy day. I just finished reading an article by  Melvin Martin, a Sioux Native from the Midwest, about anti-Semitism in North Dakota. He talked about a local mom-and-pop type operation that had been selling Nazi-era memorabilia and souvenirs...including ZYKLON B! (In case you didn't know...that is what they gassed Jews with in the chambres)


Martin also spoke to the fact that anti-Semitism is alive and well. This couple had been selling shit for seven years! He also mentioned the rampant White supremacists in the area.


What really struck me is, this man, with virtually no ties to our community (the Jewish one, I mean), wrote an article decrying the hateful people who wish us dead. It's one of those "we're all in this together" kind of deals that really warms my heart.


Most of the time I am afraid people have forgotten WWII and what Hitler's government tried to do to us...especially with all the modern Israel problems (don't get me started on liberal anti-Semitism masquerading as anti-Israeli sentiments).  I think it does a grand disservice to EVERYONE that racism and anti-Semitism is a thing of the past.


I am very thankful that Mr. Martin has noticed that there is plenty anti-Semitic racism still alive and well in this country. Some say even racism at it's most basic is a thing of the past, what with Obama in power and all...that's just not true.


Anyway, thank you Sir. The Jewish community applauds you.

Army of Love

Do you know who Kerli Kõiv is?
You should.

I don't usually write or even think about pop artists very often. Most of what I listen to is rap en español or lo-fi, metal etc. I was drawn to Kerli originally by her aesthetic which she refers to as "Bubblegoth", and due to all the Farscape I had been watching lately I was hooked.


Her music was catchy, had a message for once, and was relatively unknown. What really endeared her to me however, was her personal website (http://iamamoonchild.net). She has a bloggish thing called 3 questions 3 answers and the latest included this from a fan: "Hey kerli my life’s a mess and I feel like I can Get some really good advice from you,so if you can take your time and answer me id appteciate it ^_^ I’m a gay fourteen y/o and I come from a Christian family and I heard that since I’m gay I’m going to hell."


Here is Kerli's response: "No baby. You’re not going to hell. You can love whoever you want. There is nothing wrong with you at all. We’re all going to heaven. This right here kinda is heaven too, if we choose to see it<3"


That really got to me. It was touching. I believe that this is the kind of things that artists should be doing. People look up to them and admire them. The fact that Kerli took the time to respond to this person, a fan, whom she doesn't know, but reached out to her in a time of need, is truly amazing to me. In this day and age, it seems like famous people hardly give a thought to others. Kerli proved me wrong and I have been a fan of her since.


Bravo, Kerli.

Hey you

I thank G-d every day that you are in my life.

Todavía estoy buscando las ciertas palabras pa decírtelo. Pronto un día vendrá y te escribiré un poema contándote todo eso. Ya sé que ningunas de mis palabras son suficientes pero es que...
solo tengo esa boca. 

Trans-Atlantic Romance, Part 2

Waiting for the trans-Atlantic emails
Flowing data, words of love
Transmitting mis sentimientos tras el señal.
Waiting for these little pedazos of you
Digital smiles, pixelated caridad.
Te amo y...
Sign it, "Yours."
I am.

Soledad (Not)

Today on my way home I saw a wedding at the art museum and at the same moment, Baby Come Back to Me was playing on my headphones. Everyone looked so happy, the bride in her hanbok looked radiant, like some heavenly angel fallen to heaven for the afternoon.
"I don't want to be alone."
Sometimes those coincidences scare me.
                      I won't be alone.


"Even the stupidest songs could break my heart."

Shelter

"You are all the shelter I need above me."


A veces I am so in awe of G-d's love for me and humanity. It is like that word, nistar, a Kabbalist term for something you cannot explain to another in any language. These are the feelings sin nombres.


It is that love that I need to remember sometimes. Those moments, estos sometimes cuando me quiero morir, o gritar, odiar, destruir...estos son aquellos momentos que tengo que recordar: la belleza del amor de Dios. And then let is fill me (and like that, el odio se va).

Be as Solomon, with G-d's love in your heart.